Nice, simple form. I think it definitely speaks what everyone has thought, thinks or will in the future.

Reminds me of song called 'Staring at a Bird', same theme.

Great Job!

--
Ducard:
Criminals thrive on the indulgence of society's understanding.

Sad and sweet.

--
You are all my children. Now, fuck off to bed.

Cool, I never thought about a teddy that way before. It is kind of a great new look into the innocents of the fluffy lovable creatures, and I feel your pain. It sucks to be overwhelmed, but we always make it through, we just have to stay motivated.

I liked how you were changing the first line... want, like, wish,... but then you go back to want. I think it would be cool if you make that different. My suggestion would be "I need to be a..."

Also, the last stanza was a bit out of rhythm the first time I read it, but as I went over it again it fell into place. I don't know if it was just me or the way it changes the direction of the feel of the rest of the poem that made me stumble through it? You might take a look at it and see if you can figure out if there is something wrong with it that I'm not seeing or if I'm just crazy.

--
<sub>JayBob Gfeller
`jgfeller

"Ars longa, vita brevis"</sub>

Sorry you've been going through all that you have. Try to be strong and keep your chin up. You'll make it.

nicely done, as always.

--
viva chile mieerrrr

WOW..I really liked this one!!

--
Life is like a jar of Jalapenos, what you do today might burn your ass tomorrow.

thanks love.

Oh and thanks for submitting this for me

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Donate 20 grains of rice playing a word game... it's addictive
"Kind words do not cost much. Yet they accomplish much." -Blaise Pascal.

It does take a turn at the end and though the format changes a bit, it was necessary to ask that last question yknow? I don't think it breaks too much away from the poem. And it does a good job of concluding things well. But I do see what you're saying.

And you're right about the want, like, wish thing. I ran out of verbs I suppose need could work but it doesnt really fit with the other ones. need and want are very different. But I'll stick it in at home and read through it to see if it sounds good.

Thanks for the critique

--
Donate 20 grains of rice playing a word game... it's addictive
"Kind words do not cost much. Yet they accomplish much." -Blaise Pascal.

thanks

--
Donate 20 grains of rice playing a word game... it's addictive
"Kind words do not cost much. Yet they accomplish much." -Blaise Pascal.

thank you

--
Donate 20 grains of rice playing a word game... it's addictive
"Kind words do not cost much. Yet they accomplish much." -Blaise Pascal.